Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
