No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
