Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
