woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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