this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
