the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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