My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
