can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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