what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
