Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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