he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
