I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Randomize
