apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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