I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
