what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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