i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We are all done wearing pants today
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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