I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize