I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
