she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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