What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize