then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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