My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
