I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
