I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
