I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
