i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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