i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Hippo gnu deer
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
