I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
