Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
