the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
