if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
