I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
