Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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