It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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