My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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