saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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