so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
