I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
