I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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