I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
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You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
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It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!