I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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