dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.