It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
