Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
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Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
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drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid