you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means