Texts From Last Night

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  (425): View more from Washington

  I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.

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  (425): I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie. http://tfl.nu/58ia
  Replies (12) Good night (5323) Bad night (932)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken

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  (508): The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken http://tfl.nu/dqor
  Replies (17) Good night (991) Bad night (5953)
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  (530): View more from California

  is this the sara with the beer cane?

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  (530): is this the sara with the beer cane? http://tfl.nu/bsnc
  Replies (12) Good night (3280) Bad night (957)
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  (518): View more from New York

  plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.

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  (518): plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls. http://tfl.nu/e2rh
  Replies (29) Good night (5885) Bad night (1278)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D

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  (902): This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D http://tfl.nu/3txw
  Replies (15) Good night (2532) Bad night (1046)
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  (518): View more from New York

  My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.

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  (518): My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday. http://tfl.nu/tcvi
  Replies (5) Good night (1773) Bad night (576)
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  (450): View more from Quebec

  I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement

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  (450): I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement http://tfl.nu/63m9
  Replies (1) Good night (766) Bad night (497)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy

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  (717): That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy http://tfl.nu/ttbi
  Replies (5) Good night (1256) Bad night (533)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.

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  (781): He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent. http://tfl.nu/jtvv
  Replies (4) Good night (2060) Bad night (450)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy

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  (701): All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy http://tfl.nu/indb
  Replies (5) Good night (437) Bad night (605)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.

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  (774): One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it. http://tfl.nu/38tv
  Replies (1) Good night (793) Bad night (320)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.

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  (610): Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me. http://tfl.nu/e3p7
  Replies (2) Good night (310) Bad night (600)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.

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  (802): Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced. http://tfl.nu/wakp
  Replies (2) Good night (327) Bad night (473)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.

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  (870): I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much. http://tfl.nu/q81h
  Replies (0) Good night (453) Bad night (324)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet

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  (413): You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet http://tfl.nu/wsx8
  Replies (0) Good night (291) Bad night (172)

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