Texts From Last Night

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  (909): View more from California

  You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie

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  (909): You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie http://tfl.nu/b4xy
  Replies (24) Good night (4021) Bad night (962)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.

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  (847): O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions. http://tfl.nu/w6f3
  Replies (17) Good night (1554) Bad night (3915)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.

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  (815): I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore. http://tfl.nu/ecds
  Replies (35) Good night (2474) Bad night (5003)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?

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  (720): Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head? http://tfl.nu/r6cb
  Replies (20) Good night (8208) Bad night (2109)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.

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  (+61): I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god. http://tfl.nu/eynz
  Replies (19) Good night (1119) Bad night (6768)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.

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  (405): You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party. http://tfl.nu/3ntk
  Replies (16) Good night (3609) Bad night (926)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.

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  (727): It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm. http://tfl.nu/84qt
  Replies (4) Good night (2114) Bad night (690)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup

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  (207): I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup http://tfl.nu/gqz1
  Replies (20) Good night (1613) Bad night (618)
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  (408): View more from California

  She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety

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  (408): She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety http://tfl.nu/edsh
  Replies (10) Good night (3444) Bad night (997)
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  (510): View more from California

  but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.

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  (510): but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night. http://tfl.nu/vgwo
  Replies (5) Good night (868) Bad night (1327)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?

  (1-309): View more from Illinois

  I decided to mark my territory.

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  (309): Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket? (1-309): I decided to mark my territory. http://tfl.nu/6hzp
  Replies (2) Good night (874) Bad night (1128)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult

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  (504): lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult http://tfl.nu/w1mp
  Replies (8) Good night (942) Bad night (422)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?

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  (407): Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box? http://tfl.nu/pams
  Replies (3) Good night (269) Bad night (551)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?

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  (765): So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell? http://tfl.nu/75pe
  Replies (4) Good night (260) Bad night (472)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.

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  (504): I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina. http://tfl.nu/2cbm
  Replies (1) Good night (506) Bad night (296)

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