I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm too high and old for this...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex