i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
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I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
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Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.