I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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