can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
