Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
