her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
