My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
