This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
