just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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