Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize