So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
