so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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