how can u be prego again
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
