I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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