Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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