i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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