is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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