even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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