I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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