I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
