im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
this boner is exhausting
her facebook's as public as her vagina
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
