Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize