you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
