She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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