Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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