Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
