And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We need to get me chipped asap
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