you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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